Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Memorial Day Drama

 Looks like the theme for today was thievery. More specifically bad thievery.  I'm not really into stealing myself, I feel like it's a chumps way out, but if you are going to be a thief at least be an intelligent one.

Criminal Mastermind in Action
   The morning started off with drama.  Even before I could get my first cup-a-joe sirens were already blazing in pursuit of a high-speed chase.  Apparently someone had robbed someone and then stole a car to get away.  Living in L.A. (especially Skid Row) is sort of like being stuck in some video game like Grand Theft Auto.  People are always yelling, screaming, and fighting with each other.  Cops are always chasing or arresting someone.  Not to mention there is always a drug dealer around every corner trying to sell you some crack.  The car thief, however, did not make it very far at all before about 6 or 7 cars swarmed on him.  Clearly this guy was no criminal mastermind.  Normally I would just ignore the situation and move on, but now with my newfound hobby in blog journalism I decided to go ahead and take a closer look.  When I got to the corner it looked like an episode of NYPD Blue.  Shotguns leaped out of the vehicles the way clowns jump out of those tiny circus cars.  They were cocking and pointing what looked like about 12 pistols and shotguns at a small coup that had pulled over to the side of the road.  He wouldn't get out, though.  I don't know if he was afraid or just stubborn. However, when they fired off a couple rounds at the car that seemed to convince him pretty quick that stepping out slowly with your hands in the air was probably the right thing to do.

  After that scenario I moved on to handle some business and then finally to get that coffee.  I almost made it there when a guy says hello to me and then starts following me.  I'm used to this by now I can already tell he wants to sell me something.  Turns out it's a stolen laptop.  He wanted $50 bucks for it. The only catch was that in his rush to snatch it while the guy was in the bathroom or whatever (never leave your stuff unsupervised in L.A.) he forgot to take the power cord.  Yep, this guy definitely needs to find a new line of work.  I turned him down, he made other offers, turned those down, then he asked for food; specifically a $1 waffle.  Had he asked for a dollar cash that would obviously be a no-go.  Why the hell would I give funds to a thief.  Yet, when someone asks for food it's hard for me to turn them down.  People don't ask for food unless they are hungry and I know what's that's like so I did buy him the waffle.  What can I say, major character flaw of mine.

  The theme continued when I was able to watch a bootleg copy of the new Fast and Furious movie "Fast Five" at the Skid Row business center.  Even the copy was bad, half the time when Vin Diesel was talking he was cut off the screen.  Again, if you are going to steal or pirate a movie from the theater at least make it quality.  Anyway, even though the copy of the movie was bad, the movie itself was still pretty good.  Now, that was some good thievery.  Vin Diesel's character always had the master plan.  The Rock played his part too even though it was the typical "I'm a tough guy and now I'm gonna hunt you down and kick your ass" type of role.  I'm fairly easy to please, though, because I'm pretty shallow when it comes to plot requests.  The formula for me is pretty simple. Just blow something up a few times, throw in a couple brawls, then toss in a few gratuitous booty shots for good measure and I'm happy.  Fast Five delivered on all of the above.  The twist at the end on how they pulled off the heist was the icing on the cake, too, but I don't want to make this post a spoiler for anyone.

 Moral of the story, whatever you do whether it be stealing or whatever try not to be a scrub at it. Go for the gold and polish it a little to make it professional.  Like I always say, if you can't be good..then be good at it.

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