Saturday, September 24, 2011

Always On The Run

 A friend once told me that I like running.  It's not that I want to but I feel like I have to.  For one thing, staying in one place for too long has never yielded good results. Eventually, I grow sick of being idle and on top of that I always seem to find a way to get myself into even more trouble.  Sometimes, I feel like that guy in the old Hulk series.  He travels from town to town with the trademark melancholy theme in the background, searching for who knows what.  He doesn't go looking for trouble, in fact, he tries to go out of his way to avoid it but somehow trouble always finds him.  Then it's off to another town trading new found friendships for the open road.  I didn't really choose this lifestyle.  I guess it just kind of happened.  Anyone that says they have no regrets in life I believe is full of crap.  We all have at least one thing where we wish we could turn back the clock and do it all over again knowing what we know now. Thinking about that, every now and then I do wonder..what if..

..what if..I wasn't always on the run?  What if I didn't have trust issues?  What if I never had to worry about making an escape?  What if I wasn't always a stranger?  What if I had stayed in one school long enough to be popular and know lots of people?  What if I still knew anybody from grade school at all?   What if I could let my guard down? What if everything I owned wasn't packed in bags? What if I knew where I was going? What if that accident never happened? What if I had family I could talk to?  What if I was a better person?  What if I had never gotten back in the car that night?  What if I had finished college?  What if I had never gone AWOL? What if I was never a fugitive? What if I had never met the wrong people? What if I wasn't always looking over my shoulders? What if I had never seen the inside of a cell? What if being in love lasted forever? What if breaking up didn't hurt so much? What if I didn't make so many mistakes that I regret?..

What if..
..I wasn't alone..
..I wonder where I would be?

1 comment:

  1. I can tell you, your defiantly not alone on this one. Everyone seems to have an automatic natural way of living their life, for many they seem to follow others and bury themselves in an ever-flowing routine and let problems build up, eventually it all comes crashing in on them and they realize less is better.

    "A friend once told me that I like running." This is a though one for any who naturally enjoy the process of rambling across the land, for us it's not the destination or past that motivates us to move along it is the simple unknown that attracts our interest and keeps us moving. To Others who clam to like living a "cookie cutter life" the thought of just going from place to place is outrageous and to them impossible. Therefore to them they only see it as we are running from the past, with all due respect this lifestyle is simple not fitting for most.

    Most people I talk to about what I do and "where I'm from" See to all have the same response in one way or another, that being "I think your lifestyle is really interesting and cool but I don't think I would be able to do it myself, it just isn't for me." lol This is normally followed by my story of how I got to where I'm at, at that point.

    I have been told the same thing as well and it defiantly gets you thinking. At the end of the day we look for the next unknown and take it head on and go there or do that, if we find a place we like we stay awhile, with no tie downs at least for me it makes me truly happy and defiantly more confident.


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