Tuesday, December 13, 2011
There are certain things that I do miss..
I often try to remember what it was like to sink myself into a nice plush couch and just veg out, in full command of my very own entertainment. At the helm, a conveniently placed remote control at my fingertips with 40+ channels at my disposal. I think of something like that and it seems so faded, like a distant memory struggling to hold on to it's own existence.
I've had to make a few sacrifices..
I have no idea what sitcoms are popular on TV nowadays. Everything I am wearing from head to toe (save my lucky cap) is a donation right down to the socks and underwear, so needless to say I have absolutely no sense of style or fashion. I'm hanging on by a thread in communication with an antiquated cell phone that half the time has a signal and the other half a dead battery. My only other connection would be the internet which is limited to library use and of course this blog which I seem to have become strangely addicted to posting to. I guess I feel like if (who am I kidding, at this rate might as well say when) something happens to me I will at least be survived by a few ramblings on the internet and not fade into complete nothingness.
I'll be the first to admit that I am not quite up-to-date. However, even though I may not be fully in-tune, I'm not completely oblivious.
I sometimes wonder if people confuse drifter with hillbilly. Since I don't have a home I should instead have a few missing teeth and be ignorant of simple technologies like an ipod and com-pu-tor. I can't really get offended by it, though. I think back to when I had a normal life and I could say that I have been guilty of the same shortsightedness. For a brief moment in time I lived a life of stability. I had it all figured out (or so I thought). A great job with my very own secretary and some really nice employees. My own place. Two cars. A beautiful girlfriend with whom I was very much deeply in love with and destined to marry. I had considered myself somewhat settled and completely turned my back on the nomad life, even to the point where homeless people were an eyesore and I treated them badly. I had become invincible. Then I made some really bad choices and that world fell apart like a house of cards, forcing me to actually become the very thing I once despised. It's funny how karma has a way of teaching you a lesson. Maybe all of those weird curve-balls that you never see coming (but smack you in the face like a ton of bricks) are somehow meant to jolt you to reality and bring you back down to Earth when you've got your head in the clouds. Through all of the perils I have faced, as well as the people I have met, my entire outlook has changed. I see things a lot differently now as opposed to the way I used to then. Perhaps now with a little more compassion, something I sorely lacked in my former life. Although I am not entirely thrilled with the conditions under which I came to wander, the changes that I have undergone in the process were probably necessary ones. I've definitely become more appreciative of kindness. A heart that is giving should never be taken for granted. I've also learned to focus more on what is really important in life instead of letting trifling issues get the best of me, although sometimes we are only human. Unfortunately, my new-found wisdom came at pretty steep price, namely becoming poor as hell, but I brought that one on myself. It's all a part of life I guess. You've got to take the good with the bad. I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I am never going to be a person with a whole lot of riches. That ship has sailed. At this point the goal is simple, to allow whatever small fragment of my life I have left to be lived the way it was meant to be..
free and happy.