Monday, January 23, 2012

Always Forward


"Always Forward".. This was my motto in boot camp. Although my relationship with the military ended in divorce, the motto stuck, and I do the best I can to apply it at a constant. Every day I try to achieve something no matter how minute, because everything tastes good with a side of accomplishment. Piece by piece, I'll just keep chipping away at the daunting task of finding my way through a clouded fog of uncertainty, until one day I finally break through.

I believe that I can feel my momentum beginning to return now that the Holidays or "Horrordays" are finally over with. I still have a few kinks to work out, but for the most part I am back in stride. I know that every day can't be filled with sunshine and rainbows. There will be days when bad situations will unabashedly drag me through the dirt. When that happens I'll just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and dive right back into this battle we call "life". The impossible can never be achieved without enduring certain trials. So, I'm taking life as it hits me and literally making this whole thing up as I go, trading blow for blow with the demon until the very last round or knockout. The one left standing is the one who wanted it the most, and I do not intend to fall without giving it everything I've got. This is mainly for one reason..

I've got to find purpose..

These days I wonder if my main purpose is seeking purpose. I know that I can't find it by staying in one place and waiting for it to reveal itself to me. I've got to track it down, tackle it, and hog-tie it, and that's exactly what I intend to do when I find it.

I also wonder if there is even an end destination that I am looking for. It could be that if I ever reach my destination, the only thing I will do next is just plot a course to discover a new one. Maybe it's not the idea of reaching that final point, but the journey itself. The eternal questions that drive me into seeking the unknown. The forever "what if"s that keep me searching for the "real" truth that may never reveal itself to me, but nevertheless have me relentlessly in pursuit.

So, I'll just keep moving..

This so called life of mine seems to be about steady motion, propelled by the need to accelerate. I'll take a break every now and then when I can, but if I am still for too long in one place I'm either wasting too much time or I'm dead.

Instinct leads the way..

Whether I turn left, or turn right, that seems to be less of a factor at this point.. all I know is that I can't turn back. I'm running on pure guts and adrenaline (mixed with a dash of Red Bull), and my instincts are driving me to move in one direction, and one direction only..

Full steam ahead.

11 comments:

  1. Bakedbeansontoast231/23/2012

    The good ol 'just keep going', sometimes that's all one can do I guess for fear that if they stop, it'll all be over. You are a very talented writer, and quite a few things in this post stuck out to me. While I agree completely with the mentality of always getting back up and never becoming stagnant or too comfortable with a daily routine, I think that there might also be a danger in losing the ability to simply 'be'. Always running, never quiet long enough in one place to fully experience it can be exhausting and also sad...like one is running away from something instead of running towards something..I don't know, maybe they're equally bad, but I guess the first is the worse of the two, at least in my experience. And about seeking purpose...this too is my current quest and I am also stumped. When I look around at other people, their purpose seems so blatantly obvious, yet my own is lost in, as you say, "a clouded fog of uncertainty". Is there a moment when purpose just hits you like a bullet, or is it more gradual/subtle? Perhaps we never really know and it's all just a constant discovery. I suppose life might be pretty boring if you woke up one morning with the revelation that you knew, understood and had found everything....Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts, thus allowing me to share mine. 

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  2. Finding Purpose...
    Brother, you are speaking to my soul.

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  3. I think that if someone were to hand me a magic box and said "Inside lies your destiny."
    I would not hesitate to open it.

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  4. bakedbeansontoast23 (love the handle by the way) I think you're right, it seems to be a bit of a catch-22, whether moving too fast or moving too slow, either extreme could prove counterproductive. Perhaps the answer lies somewhere in between. Somehow, managing to achieve that delicate balance, although these things are always easier said than done. You definitely speak to me when you say that there are people surrounding you that seem to have already found what they are meant to do. It could be that it might have a little less meaning if it were to one day appear as a revelation, however, I think I might be a little more content to live the rest of my life fulfilling my purpose, than caught in the tireless pursuit of it. I guess only time will tell. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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  5. Finding that purpose is illusive at times. I agree that there is no sense wasting time where clearly there is purpose. I find myself second guessing moves. What if this thing/place/point in life needs time to develop like a photo or rise like bread dough before it is apparent that I needed to stick around. How will you/I/anyone know when that purpose or place is found? I find it is a changing list. 

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  6. An ever-changing list indeed. I couldn't have put it better myself. I guess the best we can do is hope that it slows down just long enough for us to catch it.

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  7. danblackonleadership1/26/2012

    Always moving forward is a key to living a productive and meaningful life. I'm really liking your blog.

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  8. These days I wonder if my main purpose is seeking purpose. 
    - I hear you... Granted, these days I wonder if there IS purpose. That wondering passes quickly (in 70% of the time because I fall asleep - since the wonderings start late at night when I am staring at the ceiling), but they have a tendency to come back often. 

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  9. Thanks. I'm just trying to do the best I can with what I've got. I can't say that I am always successful at it, but it won't stop me from trying.

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  10. Heh, I'm glad I'm not the only that stares at the ceiling/sky and ponders their own existence right before they pass out. Thanks for the comforting thought.

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  11. Hahaha, yeah. You're not alone :)

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