Monday, January 23, 2012
"Always Forward".. This was my motto in boot camp. Although my relationship with the military ended in divorce, the motto stuck, and I do the best I can to apply it at a constant. Every day I try to achieve something no matter how minute, because everything tastes good with a side of accomplishment. Piece by piece, I'll just keep chipping away at the daunting task of finding my way through a clouded fog of uncertainty, until one day I finally break through.
I believe that I can feel my momentum beginning to return now that the Holidays or "Horrordays" are finally over with. I still have a few kinks to work out, but for the most part I am back in stride. I know that every day can't be filled with sunshine and rainbows. There will be days when bad situations will unabashedly drag me through the dirt. When that happens I'll just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and dive right back into this battle we call "life". The impossible can never be achieved without enduring certain trials. So, I'm taking life as it hits me and literally making this whole thing up as I go, trading blow for blow with the demon until the very last round or knockout. The one left standing is the one who wanted it the most, and I do not intend to fall without giving it everything I've got. This is mainly for one reason..
I've got to find purpose..
These days I wonder if my main purpose is seeking purpose. I know that I can't find it by staying in one place and waiting for it to reveal itself to me. I've got to track it down, tackle it, and hog-tie it, and that's exactly what I intend to do when I find it.
I also wonder if there is even an end destination that I am looking for. It could be that if I ever reach my destination, the only thing I will do next is just plot a course to discover a new one. Maybe it's not the idea of reaching that final point, but the journey itself. The eternal questions that drive me into seeking the unknown. The forever "what if"s that keep me searching for the "real" truth that may never reveal itself to me, but nevertheless have me relentlessly in pursuit.
So, I'll just keep moving..
This so called life of mine seems to be about steady motion, propelled by the need to accelerate. I'll take a break every now and then when I can, but if I am still for too long in one place I'm either wasting too much time or I'm dead.
Instinct leads the way..
Whether I turn left, or turn right, that seems to be less of a factor at this point.. all I know is that I can't turn back. I'm running on pure guts and adrenaline (mixed with a dash of Red Bull), and my instincts are driving me to move in one direction, and one direction only..
Full steam ahead.